Breakers of the Code – Sample Chapter

Disclaimer: There is no beating around the bush… well actually there is. That is the problem. This story contains scenes inappropriate for all ages. If you are underage you SHOULD NOT BE HERE, go look at kittens or something. if you happen to dislike gay people, gay erotica, or erotic erotica sexyness then you also will not find anything you like here. The kittens are waiting. Go there.

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Here is the first three chapters of Breakers of the Code to start some buzz about the important topic of Elfbutt! (Because who could seriously stop after just one chapter. Besides… You must meet Roodg. You simply must.)

Copyright © 2015 – CB Archer

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author.

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Chapter 1 – Creation Complete

Zing! A perfectly animated arrow flew through the air and struck true. One of the Green Slimes, a small amorphous gooey creature in this dungeon, was clearly struck somewhere important because it slumped down without much fanfare, quietly flashed three times, and disappeared, leaving only a Vial of Green Goo and six experience points in its place.

According to the Item Description Menu Box, a Vial of Green Goo was handy for dissolving organic materials and was used as an ingredient for Combi-Fusion. A single Vial of Green Goo could be sold for twenty-nine Gold Pieces, and fortunately the Green Slimes kept it pre-bottled in handy glass vials that they had hidden somewhere in their ambiguous structure. That certainly made collecting them much easier.

Anders was fairly new to this kind of game. There was a lot of game experience under his belt, but this would be the first time he had played a fantasy style game. Secretly, he loved the fantasy genre, but had always kept that part of his personality hidden to avoid being called a geek. He had always played First Person Shooters, better known as FPSs, and sports games for entertainment because that was what was popular. When Anders had thought about actually trying out this fantasy world, his excitement had bubbled up to near bursting levels. It contained all manner of gaming innovations and he had decided to play this Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, or MMORPG, even if no one else he knew was going to buy it. He was going to find some fantasy-loving gamer friends here in this world, and enjoy every moment of it. The textures, the atmosphere, the music, and even the fonts felt completely new and amazing. Manoeuvring through a pixelated world was familiar, but the game was also something completely new, and Anders was thrilled to be living his secret fantasy dream.

The adventure had only started a half-cycle ago now and honestly Anders had no idea what in the Flaming Pit a Combi-Fusion even was, but he certainly liked the idea of twenty-nine Gold Pieces per drop. Only four more vials left until he had enough money to return to that starting city, with the long name he couldn’t remember, to sell his loot; he was fairly certain that the city started with the letter C, though. The thirty-two vials already in his Backpack didn’t weigh much, which was a nice bonus.

Anders jumped down from the miscoloured pixel that his keenly trained FPS eyes had spotted above the scenic pillar he was perched on and grabbed the Vial of Green Goo, then quickly Double Jumped back up. A little guilt was mixed into his emotions for standing safely on the miscoloured pixel high above the scenery, and killing these creatures that didn’t have any ranged attacks to fight back with.

Anders felt the wind against his skin as he jumped. It was exhilarating. He literally felt it as he played, to a degree. A little fan whirred against his face making each movement more life-like. One of the main reasons that he decided to try this particular MMORPG was the shiny new technology that came with it. Even if the TorTech-Headset was still in beta, it was an advanced piece of hardware that could do many little things as you played that matched the game. It could track where your eyes were looking and adjust the camera angle, change the temperature against your neck to give you a chill, and play all manner of sound effects. What it couldn’t do was be an actual working headset. Until they released a patch for this thing (which was promised to be in a future update) the mic didn’t work, so if you wanted to talk you still needed to type.

Anders was glad he had picked elf and Night Ranger (Ranged Style) as his race and class. Being an elf allowed him to start with a nice bow that was called the Elf Starting Bow, and using it was instantly familiar to the normally FPS player. It was not the best name for a weapon, but it did come with an endless quiver of arrows and an official laminated Night Ranger Certificate (Ranged Style). Anders had no idea why he was a Night Ranger as opposed to just a Ranger—the name was a bit clunky, but being one focused on Ranged Style allowed him to jump an extra time while already in mid-jump.

The elf Night Ranger had Double Jumped right over this dungeon’s scenery and could stay out of harm’s way if perched on his precious pixel. Anders had accidently discovered this brilliant plan while waiting impatiently for more Green Slimes to spawn. This particular Scenic Pillar was the only one that worked as a jumping off point; none of the others he tried would let him. It was likely because this pillar was slightly askew due to a level designer’s placement error. He had foolishly spent nearly all of his starting gold on a flashy Initiate’s Jacket instead of a melee weapon. Since Night Rangers couldn’t equip the jacket due to class restrictions, this miscoloured pixel was a strategy that desperately needed to be used or the elf risked getting hit back. Even though it probably was cheating, he promised himself that it would only be for now in his very first Text Box. Text Boxing it made it feel more like a promise than just thinking it.

Anders’ Text Box: “Just until I buy a melee weapon … then I will stop being cheap and using this pixel above the scenic pillar.”

Another harmless Green Slime fell to his arrow, and the elf jumped down to collect the Vial of Green Goo that had clinked to the floor. He nestled vial number thirty-four in his Backpack beside the Initiate’s Jacket that he could never equip but refused to sell for half the value. It was still pristine; Anders couldn’t even put it on, for crying out loud—that shopkeeper was a complete jerk.

Remembering when he had button mashed in frustration and accidently drew his Elf Starting Bow toward the shopkeeper made him Chuckle Animation. The Cower Animation from the shopkeeper was well animated, but it had made him hit his head on a poorly placed suit of Armour when he tried to do it. It might have been worth trying again to get a good laugh at the shopkeeper’s expense, even if it wouldn’t accomplish anything, but Anders wasn’t malicious enough to do that. A Non-Player Character, or NPC, was just code, not a real person, but they still looked like they had feelings. Even if every NPC looked like the same person dressed in different outfits, Anders couldn’t even think about harming one on purpose.

When a Green Slime struck Anders, it not only hurt but it also snapped him right out of his thought process, and knocked him onto his Body Type #2 (Average) butt. He had completely forgotten to Double Jump back onto the pixel above his scenic pillar and almost cursed colourfully at his foolishness. Anders did not like swearing, even when it was socially appropriate. He liked to keep his vocabulary clean, and his new style of MMORPG communication, the Text Box, would be no exception to his personal rules. With a quick step back, he tried to shoot at the Green Slime but missed. Aiming quickly and up close was something Anders had not gotten the hang of yet. With the TorTech-Headset’s self-adjusting camera, Anders had a hard time figuring out where he was half the time.

A Slam attack from the Green Slime followed Anders’ miss, and he was hit on the forearm by the creature. The horrible green acid that the slime had released began to burn Anders’ arm, and he wished that he had purchased the Glass Bracers instead of the Leather Armlets with his last 60 Gold Pieces while in that starting town (Cardamassis or something?), but he was otherwise unharmed. The Leather Armlets did look so much better with his starting Leather Jerkin and Leather Tights, plus they also had “leather” in the name, making them impossible to pass up. Any class could use them. This was great because he already had wasted money on cool stuff that he couldn’t equip.

The next arrow found its mark, and the Green Slime exploded from the Critical Hit that the elf landed. Anders had not yet seen that animation—it was awesome, and Anders was secretly thrilled. His excitement only rose when he heard the short trumpet song which meant that he was now Level 4. He snatched up the Vial of Green Goo and Double Jumped back up to the miscoloured pixel above his scenic pillar, to both check his wound and his new stats. The acid had stopped burning, which was nice. Unfortunately, it had damaged his Leather Armlets, and now he would have to pay to repair them, which was bad. Worst of all, he hadn’t gained any new abilities at Level 4, which was a bit of a letdown.

With his Leather Armlets damaged, the number of Vials of Green Goo Anders needed had technically increased, but he was starting to get really sick of this dungeon. He could always kill a few Gray Wolves on his trip back to Colledaramin (or whatever it was called) and sell their Gray Wolf Pelts. They were not worth as much money, but at least when the Gray Wolves hit you, they didn’t burn your gear with acid and cost you Gold Pieces.

Anders was just getting ready to jump down when he saw the shadow of another Green Slime coming down the corridor.

Anders’ Text Box: “Well, one more vial couldn’t hurt.”

He nocked another arrow onto his Elf Starting Bow. As the creature turned the corner, it became clear it was not the same kind of Slime. This one was pinkish in colour and was either a strong mob creature or a boss. It was much larger than the cat-sized Green Slimes (cats existed in this fantasy setting for some reason, and in alarming quantities). This Pink Slime was as large as a horse, (which also existed here without explanation). He was certain it was a random mob, as Anders was still in the entrance of this dungeon and bosses tended to stay near the end of places like this. He instinctively knew this as fact even though he had never technically seen a boss before.

He quickly checked the Insta-Wiki, the encyclopedia of Annals of Gentalia. All players had the chance to enter their findings here, making the Insta-Wiki the knowledge of the masses. There was no entry. Nobody had defeated this creature yet—not surprising, since the MMORPG had just been released today. If Anders was the first one to defeat a Pink Slime, he would be able to write up its description. It would be something that would forever be logged in the Insta-Wiki. Contributing to the Insta-Wiki made Anders feel important, immortal even. Everyone would always know that he had been here, and anything that he wrote down would forever be recorded for prosperity. He already had added the entry for the Green Slime when he first got here, and he had yet to see anyone else come in this dungeon. The promise of contributing even more everlasting knowledge to the database was just too much for Anders to bear.

The decision was easy: this large pink version of those little green things must be destroyed, no matter the cost. The entirety of Annals of Gentalia must know of his awesomeness. Killing this Pink Slime first would give him two different entries in the Insta-Wiki! He knew travelling right instead of left from the starting city C’Jamridrome (or whatever it was called) was a brilliant idea. Let everyone else go left and find the Reading Stone for that NPC Narbenock Wizard guy; Anders was busy becoming famous. That NPC was long-winded anyway; all of his plot exposition was just too boring to bother to read. Anders had tried desperately to listen, but he was so used to FPS NPCs that only yelled at him to shoot at things. He had kind of spaced out during the entire thing, focusing more on the fantastic graphics than the speech. Blah, blah, blah, save the world from the Plague of Something, glory for all time, riches and whatnot … but that wasn’t real fame. Real fame was your name in the Insta-Wiki!

This was also probably why the miscoloured pixel and askew Scenic Pillar existed in the first place. The game had just been released and the developers had probably thought they’d have a little time to find the bugs as the players did the quests in the correct order. Anders didn’t care, he just embraced the fantasy elements and didn’t want to bother with Start Quests like target practice or catching Mumblebees.

Zing! Anders’ arrow flew at the Pink Slime. He was pretty sure it would be worth a lot of Experience Points, maybe even enough to make it to Level 5. Whatever it dropped (likely called a Vial of Pink Goo) would definitely be worth more than the Vials of Green Goo. The arrow made a peculiar sound as it hit, sort of a thwick.

A Game Explanation Text Box popped up on his monitor. This useful bit of game knowledge written in white letters on a blue background was notifying him of useful information, and Anders took notice.

Game Explanation Text Box: “Some monsters are immune to certain kinds of attacks. If one kind of attack – melee, ranged, attack magic, or healing magic – doesn’t work, try another! For example, the Pink Slime is immune to ranged attacks.”

Anders’ Text Box: “Oh crackers!”

Being immune to ranged attacks did not prevent this creature from possessing them. That wasn’t very sporting of it. Fair or not, it threw a large pink blob of goo at Anders, just missing his #6 Light Blond Hairstyle by a single length unit. Another blob flew at Anders before he got his turn. This Pink Slime had TWO attacks per round. It was definitely a boss. It shouldn’t have wandered all the way out here from the boss chamber. This monster had come here with a purpose. The second blob hit Anders square in the chest. Not only did it do damage, but it had an additional effect based on a Constitution Save—naturally. As an elf, he had a negative to Constitution to begin with, and Anders failed the save horribly. The secondary effect was something called Knockback. The elf lost his footing and fell backward.

He now began to regret the earlier decision to stand on his miscoloured pixel above the scenic pillar. Anders painfully landed on his back on the nicely textured, yet repetitive floor. While the fall didn’t do any additional damage, there was the alarming sound of shattering glass. The thick green acid inside the Vials of Green Goo had begun to defy all game logic. Not only had the glass vials broken while in his inventory, they had also began to burn through his Backpack. By the time Anders reached his Backpack to try to save it, it had already been completely destroyed, along with most of the other items inside. Things in your inventory weren’t supposed to break! Everyone knew that. Only the Initiate’s Jacket had fallen to the floor, apparently immune to the effects of the acid. Anders used the Scoff Animation at the Initiate’s Jackets survival, but then felt a burning sensation on his back. The acid was eating away his Leather Jerkin. He used the rest of his turn to frantically pull off the Leather Jerkin and toss it aside. Just as the Jerkin hit the floor it dissolved away completely. It was his starting gear, and he didn’t remember if they sold replacements in Cuppinhagger (or whatever).

The Pink Slime took its two turns. The first was a full movement, getting right next to Anders. The second was called Slam, and it hit Anders with impressive force. During the Pink Slime’s turn, Anders was painfully aware that the green acid was burning the bare skin on his back and shoulders, and also that much of it had dripped down and was beginning to eat away at his Leather Tights.

On Anders’ turn, he had to choose between taking off the Leather Tights or just running. As he contemplated, the tights thoughtfully dissolved away by themselves, so he bolted, hoping that if he ran fast enough he could escape the dungeon. With acid burning the entire back of his body, Anders braced for the Pink Slime’s turns.

The Slime’s next clever move was to move toward Anders and attempt to Slam him again. A very original tactic, but it missed.

Painful burning struck Anders this turn; the acid was still in full effect. The TorTech-Headset was making a prickly burning feeling down his back, he had no idea what mechanism was causing it, but it felt extremely real. He camera-panned over at his gear, hoping to see if anything survived. To his dismay, he saw that his Elf Starting Bow had landed in the acid. While it—thankfully—hadn’t dissolved away, its string had melted completely through.

Just great, he thought. Now I have two things to fix.

To make matters worse, the acid that had eaten through his Leather Leggings was all over his Standard Issue Undergarments as well. He watched his character Grimace Animation in pain as he interrupted his escape to run back and grab his Elf Starting Bow. If he was going to run out of here half-naked and burning from acid, he was not going to leave his Elf Starting Bow behind.

He ended his turn, taking more acid damage and looking down to find his Standard Issue Undergarments disappear in a pile of random numbers and black pixels. As it dissolved, it made a horrible screeching noise. Anders thought he heard it say a word but he wasn’t sure—it was too loud and painful, almost like a “cheer” or a “cheese” or maybe “cheek.” Something with a “ch” at least was yelled at him from his vaporized Standard Issue Undergarments. The noise was so loud that he heard a fizzle come from his TorTech-Headset, and he could even smell a faint hint of smoke. He made a mental note of how odd it was to have his undergarments yell at him, but he didn’t have any explanations as to why they did so.

It was a question to remember for later; right now his mind was preoccupied. This defied all logic. He was certain that nudity was not allowed in this world. According to the box, the game wasn’t rated A. It was rated 18+ for graphic violence, language, and strong themes, but there was no mention of nudity on the box. Allowed or not, he was now stark naked, completely exposed, vulnerable, and with all his elf bits just dangling out there in the brisk cave air. They were not even blurred out!

The Pink Slime seemed to stare at Anders’ newly revealed nakedness for its first turn, while its jellied, formless face turned on an invisible axis point. Both the staring and the obscure turning of the head were very out of place, and Anders felt a shiver go down his body while he watched. It executed a move called Morph, which ended its turn. Morph didn’t do anything at the moment, which probably meant it would activate something at the beginning of the creature’s next turn.

Anders used his next turn to both change his blush settings to Blush Shade #1 and move toward the exit. Fortunately, changing Blush Shades was a free action. With any luck, he would be out of this creature’s range next turn. The acid was still burning him, and he didn’t have more rounds to really think about what was going on.

On the Pink Slime’s turn, it grew slightly taller as it moved toward him.

Anders’ Text Box: “Not a very scary Morph, Pink Slime.”

The creature activated Morph More and ended its turn.

Standing there in his broken Leather Armlets, Leather Boots, Elf Starting Bow, #6 Hairstyle, and nothing else, Anders could still feel the acid burning at his skin. He was bewildered. It was like his actual skin was getting warm as the green acid damage numbers showed his health points slowly fading away. He had hoped the effect would be temporary, like the acid that hit his arm earlier. The elf decided to use his turn to run. His Hit Points reached Critical status halfway to the exit as the acid burned. He had never had that particular status effect happen before. The camera panned in close up and told him that the Critical status reduced his movement by half. Even though he felt the dire need to run, he watched as his avatar fell to the ground and began to crawl. Anders grumbled at the game designers and ended his turn impatiently.

The Pink Slime Morphed More, which involved it growing some sort of jelly arms. It slid up to Anders and executed Morph More More.

Anders rolled his green eyes at the awful move name, and crawled slowly away from the uninspired creature. Anders cringed as the acid burned before his turn end. The Night Ranger nearly crawled right into a scenic pillar that was in the centre of the room.

Anders’ Text Box: “Wait, what?”

At once, Anders realized what had happened: when the camera panned onto him to show his Critical status, it had turned him around as well. The camera angle had confused him, and his turn was just spent crawling back into the cave, ending right back where he had started. He had only three Health Points left—even a simple Start Rat from the starting area could do that much damage in a round, and the acid still was burning. He really did not want to have to restart since he had forgotten to save so far. His options were very limited now that all of his items were destroyed or broken except for the useless Initiate’s Jacket. He used his turn to hit his arch nemesis (the scenic pillar) with as much force as could be mustered and ended his turn with a Sigh Animation.

Anders’ Text Box: “That is it, scenic pillar! That was the last straw! You just made me make my list!”

Anders opened the Player Pager for his account. It was the personal place for a player to record anything they wished. Most people used it for game-related posts, or created elaborate back stories for their avatars. Not Anders. It was actually barely used so far; the only thing it contained was an uploaded screenshot of him waving for the profile picture a few rounds before the story began. He started a new List File and creatively called it “Anders’ List.” It was intended to keep track of least favourite things, but even as he typed it, he doubted he would ever use it again.

Anders’ List:

1. Scenic Pillars

Once that was input, he was forced to focus back on the battle before him. The Pink Slime formed a muscular torso, and its arms and head became more human in shape. Everything was transparent pink, and while it lacked a true face or legs of any kind, its overall model was becoming more humanoid. Anders wondered why that even mattered. The creature came closer, readying itself to Slam its arms down onto Anders’ mangled body once again.

Anders’ Text Box: “What, no Morph More More More? That is just lazy.”

Anders closed his eyes, bracing for impact—or he would have if he could have remembered the animation that allowed him to close his eyelids under his own volition.

The jellied arms of the creature slammed down hard on Anders, who was confused when the Retry Screen didn’t appear after the hit. The creature’s arms were covered in a thick slime, but it was not acidic like the Green Slime. It tingled a little. Anders was surprised when the burning acid was neutralized where the creature touched him. He was so relieved his avatar was feeling better that he swore his real skin was feeling pleasantly cool.

It was Anders’ turn. He didn’t have much time, as acid was still burning most of his body, so he used his action to jump at the creature back first. He rubbed himself all over it like it was a very comfy jelly pillow. If the Pink Slime’s membrane had countered the acid, he was going to use this creature up for all it was worth. His whole body felt cool, and the acid had stopped burning—but now the elf was at a frightening 1/244 Hit Points. This changed his status to Dire, which meant he could no longer take actions until healed. Anders used an Eyeroll Animation at the lame status effect, which was the only thing he could really do under the Dire status effect. Now Anders couldn’t heal himself, even if he had an item to do so—and, of course, running away wasn’t an option.

The Pink Slime used its turns to grab Anders with its arms. It activated something called Enlarge, the effects of which Anders assumed he would see on its next turn. Touching the skin of the creature made Anders tingle all over. The tingles even felt pretty good. That did not mean that Enlarge wouldn’t kill him next turn. Anders was in Dire status and could only skip his turn through inaction. He was not pleased with this.

It was the Pink Slime’s turn again. Anders was sure that Enlarge was in full effect, but he couldn’t see anything happening. Nestled in the creature’s arms, he looked around frantically to see what was going on, but there was nothing. A few turns of this creature casting Enlarge did nothing, and Anders had to skip his turns by doing nothing. Each turn that passed lessened the burning and increased the mint-scented tingles. He could smell mint; he didn’t even know smells were a function of the TorTech-Headset.

Anders’ Text Box: “Isn’t anything going to happen? This is so strange!”

During yet another round of tingling, followed by some sort of chime noise, something brushed against Anders’ leg. He adjusted his camera angle to look downward and was absolutely spellbound—but not as in Spellbound the status effect. The Pink Slime had been Enlarging slowly right below its jellied abdomen this whole time. A transparent pink organ was growing out of the creature’s groin. This action was taking a lot of effort for the creature, like it was a move intended for a different purpose altogether. The Pink Slime was determined and kept at it. Round after round passed as the Enlarge continued, sliding against Anders’ inner thigh as it grew up between his legs. The protrusion finally stopped growing at what Anders guessed was about twenty length units long before it began to fill out in girth. Staring down, Anders would have guessed that it became thicker than his arm. It began to take on a more definite shape. Anders was both surprised and not surprised when it grew a bulbous head and jellied veins. He saw it coming certainly, but the fact that it was happening was alarming.

A pair of transparent gonads descended from the creature’s newly enlarged member with a pop! They were approximately the size of watermelons. Watermelons existed in this fantasy setting, but for some reason they were called MelonMelons. Thicker, dense gel bubbled inside them, much darker than what made up the rest of the creature.

Anders’ Text Box: “Wait … this isn’t that type of game, is it? What is the rating again? Where did I put the game box?”

Anders wondered if this creature, certainly not rated E for Everyone, had planned this entire scenario from the start. There was nothing he could do but watch as the creature lifted him up in its arms and positioned its jellied member squarely at his anal opening. Anders winced in anticipation of what would surely be the worst way to lose a last Hit Point in recorded gaming history, but instead the elf felt a very strange sensation. The tip of the Pink Slime’s conjured penis had begun to lick and tease his hole. He could actually feel it. Somehow his TorTech-Headset was functioning way out of its normal range. Perhaps that loud screech had broken it. It was like he was feeling what his avatar was feeling, and it was exquisite. The tingling was entrancing as it played around his opening, and Anders was suddenly in heaven. He completely forgave his headset for yelling at him and relaxed his forced anal death-grip slightly. The creature must have taken it as a sign. It adjusted itself and slipped a very thin tendril, which had just appeared at the end of its penis, into Anders’ ass. The tendril was cool and tingled significantly as it entered. Each tingle was unlike anything he had felt before, it was as if his whole self was buzzing and each sent a wave of pleasure through Anders’ entire body.

The creature began to pulse, and Anders felt a cool, sticky slime begin to coat his insides. It tingled far beyond the mere touch of the creature … and it was relaxing, soothing even. The tingles rushed through his body, and he felt his own member hardening rapidly. Some rounds later, the jelly coat job stopped. Anders guessed that it had coated him on the inside completely. He looked down and saw drops of precum dripping from his member, and his avatar reacted by changing to Blush Shade #2, Anders felt the cool slime inside still tingling, and he donned a Strangely Happy Grin Animation. This TorTech-Headset was the best thing to come to gaming since the invention of cheat codes.

At the beginning of its next turn, the creature removed its small tendril with a plop. The little pink thing retreated effortlessly back into the penis. The Pink Slime grabbed Anders’ waist and, with one swift, powerful motion, pulled him all the way onto its huge member.

Anders was shocked. The creature grabbed him tightly, and he had braced for the worst. Instead, he felt only pleasure. All twenty length units of the arm-thick cock filled his ass completely; it was if his ass had stretched magically around the creature’s thick member. That must have been why the Pink Slime had coated his insides with its tingly goop. Yes, it was violating him sexually with an impossibly large monster penis, but at least it was being nice about it.

The legless thing began to roll back and forth while holding Anders tightly. It executed a new move, called Rolling Wave. This move created a natural thrusting motion that sent waves of intense pleasure rolling down to every portion of Anders’ body. Rolling Wave was quickly becoming his favourite monster move. The more it pulsed through his avatar, the further it submerged him into the game. He didn’t feel like a guy sitting at a desk, playing a computer game anymore. This wasn’t some new technology making him feel like this. He felt like he was in this world. This was happening to him and he was begging for it to continue.

The tingly sensation shivered all the way down to his toes and back up to the very tips of his #6 Hairstyle. The creature’s penis was pulsing and grew even larger as the encounter progressed, and it continued its Rolling Wave technique on every turn. Anders began skipping his turns rapidly. The thick thing felt soft and squishy in his ass and bent in every direction as needed. It was reaching everywhere Anders desperately wanted it to reach.

Anders yearned for direct stimulation to his own member. Being in Dire is like being paralyzed, he could do nothing but skip his turns. He gasped in surprise when he felt a sudden firm hand grip his shaft. He let out a moan as the hand began to work his cock, his addled brain trying to figure out if the Pink Slime had grown more hands. After all, there were two Pink Slime hands gripping his waist, Green Slimes had no hands, and he hadn’t heard the dungeon door opening. Panning the camera around, he was even more surprised to see it was his own hand frantically working his member. His own avatar had grabbed his shaft under the desperate need for stimulation and was pulling on it, but best of all, he could feel every pump.

Confused, he wondered, How does that work? He thought he was in Dire status. Checking back through the Battle Log, he realized he was no Rocket Sorcerer, so it was a good thing he hadn’t picked that class. Apparently the tingling sensation of the Pink Slime’s skin had been a healing effect. Scanning the Battle Log, he realized that, from the round directly following his jumping into this creature, he had stopped being in Dire status. The chime noise he’d heard meant that he had been at full Hit Points for the last four rounds. He could have moved at anytime, but he was skipping his turns impatiently. None of this ever needed to have happened! He could have run out ages ago and completely avoided this Pink Slime “encounter.”

The Pink Slime used Rolling Waves and ended its turn. Now it was Anders’ turn, and he did what any sane elf Night Ranger would do. He readied himself for his actions. He firmly placed his Leather Boots on the ground. He spread his legs as far apart as he could manage. He grabbed his nemesis, the scenic pillar and held on for dear life. Finally he bent over to give the Pink Slime complete and total access to his stretched out, gooped-up fuckhole. Taking the bait, the creature doubled its efforts; it gripped him firmly on the shoulders and began Rolling Waves with reckless abandon. The creature was obviously enjoying itself, maybe even more than Anders was now. This new position was hitting Anders with incredible accuracy, and he could feel himself on the very edge of climax—a few more thrusts and he would cum hard. He squeezed his ass, gripping the giant, slick cock and increasing the stimulation for both parties in the encounter.

The Pink Slime began to buck. It gripped Anders and began to spurt its cold, tingly seed deep within. It was like nothing Anders had ever felt before. The pulsating jelly cock doubled in size, shrank, and doubled again. Wave after wave gushed into him, and it was tingling with such intensity that Anders was temporarily put under the Blind status from the pleasure. It was all too much. Anders arched his back and came in his own thick spurts, liberally covering the infuriating Scenic Pillar in his spunk. The jellied penis let out one last gush, and Anders judged that the watermelon-sized balls were now drained completely into his ass, given how much he felt go in. The Battle Log indicated that the Pink Slime had dropped its drop item but in alarming quantities, Pink Goo x99. Anders didn’t even bother to look for the vials. He knew he wouldn’t find them on the ground. This creature’s treasure was clearly buried somewhere else.

The creature slid out of the elf’s ass with a loud slurping noise. Already, it had began to revert back into its amorphous, non-humanoid shape. As quickly as it had entered the room earlier, it left, obviously satisfied with itself. It turned the corner and was gone—presumably back into the boss chamber to have a cigarette (which existed here even though tobacco didn’t).

Anders took a few rounds to collect his thoughts. He had just had an amazing experience thanks to the TorTech-Headset. He wasn’t sure how this was happening, but it was functioning at a much higher level than the listed product specifications. He couldn’t imagine what sort of fan or electrode was supposed to make it feel so real. All he did know was that it was a pretty great boss battle.

A short song with trumpets let Anders know that he was now Level 5. That was unexpected. Thinking about it, he realized that technically he did defeat the monster, and it did drop something (a lot of somethings). So, according to the rules, he had won the encounter. He had gained two abilities at Level 5—an attack called Double Shot and a passive ability which was always active called Stretch. Why he didn’t get one at Level 4 and one at Level 5, he didn’t know; it could have been lazy planning on the part of the developers. Anders lazily did not look at his Status Page to spite the lazy developers. He enjoyed the still tingly feeling in his butt a little bit longer before filling out the Insta-Wiki for the Pink Slime.

Creature Name: Pink Slime

Class: Magical

Level: 8

Special Attacks: Lob, Morph, Morph More, Morph More More, Morph More More More, Enlarge, and Rolling Waves

Drops: Pink Goo

First Player Encounter Notes: “This monster is a pervert. – Anders”

Now Anders had a completely different problem. He was naked except for his broken Leather Armlets and perfectly fine Leather Boots. There was only an Initiate’s Jacket to wear, but Night Rangers weren’t allowed to because of the stupid class restriction. It was at least a cycle’s walk to Cheejra-mallor (or whatever it was called), and the bowstring on his Elf Starting Bow was gone. Stupid reality logic.

Despite two watermelons full of Pink Goo—roughly translated to Pink Goo x99—being dropped into Anders, he felt fine, if not a little bit full. That might save him from eating some of the horrible-tasting food he found earlier, which for some reason always tasted like household appliances. Anders had not known what household appliances tasted like until eating one of the horrible food items here—and now, unfortunately, he did.

Nothing happened when he let go of the pillar besides his legs being a little bit shaky. He picked up the useless Initiate’s Jacket and used it to wipe the cum and other juices off himself. He picked up his Elf Starting Bow and walked toward the entrance of the dungeon.

Not knowing what else to do, he left the dungeon before any more slimes could show up and went back into the forest area. It was called the Lower Forest of Althair. After looking around for a bit, he spotted a piece of scenery that wasn’t fully attached to the ground due to a level designer’s obvious placement error, more proof that the game was full of glitches. He covered the opening to Slime Cave with this broken little scenic bush. It was a piss-poor hiding job and probably wouldn’t fool anyone, but he wasn’t sure what had just happened. He wanted to prevent it from possibly happening to others by hiding the entrance.

Anders’ Internal Text Box: “Besides, what if I want to come back later to visit?”

---

Chapter 2 – The Next Logical Step

Anders was frustrated. Running around looking for chests was tedious at best and boring at worst. He hadn’t killed any monsters for some time now, mostly because he had absolutely no weapons. Instead, he was running away from anything that moved. He desperately hoped he would find something useful in one of those Blue Chests that respawned without an explanation—well, at least not one he’d bothered to listen to. He thought that perhaps there might have been something to listening to the back-story of the world of Gentalia as well, but he had wanted to start playing too badly to just up and listen.

Anders refused to return to Clinzradpeen (or whatever it was called) naked and weaponless. The last thing he wanted was to hear all the other avatars laughing at him. Try as he might, the cum-stained Initiate’s Jacket would not go on. It was constantly springing off before the buttons would do up.

But it’ll be fine, Anders thought with a newfound resilience, because according to the Insta-Wiki, equipment shows up occasionally in these Blue Chests.

All of the chests the elf had opened recently had been devoid of anything useful. He had many items in his possession now that served no real purpose, and nothing at all to store them in. Since the items were worth Gold Pieces, he was holding them close and refusing to just abandon them in the woods.

Anders guessed that turning this upcoming corner into the shadier part of the Lower Forest of Althair would probably prove to be just as uneventful as the last few. To his delight, a beautiful green glade opened up before him. It was a most welcome change of scenery. At the very centre of the glade surrounded by flowers was a shiny Red Chest. The red enamel caught the sun’s rays as it danced through the Altair treetops, making it seem like the chest had been placed there just for the elf. Without even a second thought, Anders decided that it was indeed just for him.

Anders quickly opened the Insta-Wiki and looked up Red Chests. Reading the comment from the first avatar to open a Red Chest was promising.

“Red Chests are special, fellow adventurers! Be sure to keep a keen eye out for them! They are known as ‘equipment chests’. They only contain equipment and never consumables. – Mr. Max”

Mr. Max again. Anders couldn’t count the times he had already seen that name in the Insta-Wiki, and he felt a sudden pang of jealousy toward the famous Max. His explanations always sounded so pompous, but at least they were useful.

There was space for another comment slot that would be awarded to the first avatar to open 50 Red Chests. According to the Insta-Wiki, someone had already opened 27. It didn’t say who, but judging by the number of times Anders had seen the name in the Insta-Wiki, it was probably going to be awarded to Mr. Max. Definitely an overachiever, Mr. Max was going to win the Insta-Wiki contest for sure. Anders didn’t know why anyone else would even try to beat the guy. After just a few rounds of play, Anders had given up any hope of winning the fabled mystery prize.

Well, whichever avatar’s name eventually showed up under 50 Red Chests, it certainly wasn’t going to be Anders. This would be his very first one. He didn’t really mind because the strangely fulfilling encounter with the Pink Slime had renewed his sense of optimism. He had been the first to record a battle with the Pink Slime, and he was sure that there were a few other things that he could discover first—things that Mr. Max could never even dream of. He let his mind wonder back listlessly to his wonderful fight with the Pink Slime and felt a tingle of pleasure wash over his entire body. Anders happily used a Smile Animation. Suddenly hopeful, Anders ran toward the end to the circular glade.

Just as he bent down to open the red bounty, he felt the ground shake. He was forced to postpone the opening of this mysterious Red Chest and claiming the reward contained within.

Game Explanation Text Box: “Some chests are guarded by dangerous monsters. Always be prepared!”

Anders’ Text Box: “Well, brownies!”

The elf had a strange way of expressing his dissatisfaction. Saying the names of random baked goods instead of the more tried and true curse words was something of a habit. He knew it was because of his aunt, who had always expressed displeasure with the most bizarre and catchy words. He wasn’t exactly certain when he had starting emulating her, but it had become such a part of his programming now that he didn’t even think about it. It was automatic, and brownies sometimes just happened.

Anders slowly turned to check behind himself. Standing just a few move units away from him was a horrible mass of vines. The vines slithered and moved on top of each other, and somewhere deep down Anders knew that they were hiding something dark and sinister. In that wiggling mass there may have been a body, but Anders certainly couldn’t see any traces of it, even if he was certain it was in there. Hundreds of the thick, ropey vines were writhing in turn, each ending in a closed red-and-yellow flower. The vine creature smelled far more awful than one would have expected from a giant monster bouquet. Anders almost felt the Nauseated status effect, but resisted the urge to vomit. For some reason, he felt like he should know what this thing was, even without having seeing one before. It was obvious and overdone, sinister and animated.

A quick survey of the area did not help Anders. The serene feeling he had originally experienced in the glade had quickly vanished, replaced by an intense feeling of panic. There was only one way out of this glade. This vine creature, this horribly clichéd thing, was blocking it.

The vine mass took its first turn to look over Anders’ mostly naked body. It had no visible eyes, but Anders could sense that it was giving him the once over and sizing him up. It began to spin in place at an alarming pace, but it abruptly halted. The entire situation was familiar. For the second part of its turn, it lashed out with its tentacle vines. Thankfully, it missed.

Anders’ Text Box: “At least this thing can miss, even if it is a boss. Maybe I have a chance to escape if I lure it away from the exit.”

Anders spent his turn moving backward in an unnecessary (but cool) barrage of back flips. Then he waited.

The thing followed him on its turn. It was certainly big, but it was not very mobile. Trying to grab the Night Ranger with a mass of vines, it missed again. It was too stupid to realize that he was out of its range. After a few rounds of spectacular back-flipping, Anders carefully lured the thing around the glade.

Anders was pleased with himself. The combatants had successfully switched places! He was at the entrance to the glade, and that thing was right beside the Red Chest—the Red Chest that for certain had equipment in it, which he hadn’t remembered to open while he was standing beside it. The very reason that he was wandering around this stupid low level forest area was in that stupid chest. Now the sinister vine creature was between him and the promise of much-needed pants. Anders used a Facepalm Animation.

The elf took a round to think. This monster was pretty stupid. He could just shuffle it around again, grab the contents of the chest, keep shuffling, and be right back here in just a few turns. It seemed to be a logical solution to his problem, and Anders set his plan into motion. With just a few rounds of work, he perfectly shuffled the thing back to where it came from. Now he was right beside the Red Chest, and the vine creature was at the entrance. He leaned against the Red Chest and ended his turn triumphantly.

Game Explanation Text Box: “Some chests are guarded by dangerous monsters. Always be prepared!”

Anders’ Text Box: “Huh?”

The vine-writhing monster disappeared in a flash. It fell from the air again as it had done before, landing with a crash just a single move unit from Anders. Anders’ face blanched. He had just respawned the damn thing by going back to the chest, and it was the damn thing’s turn now! (Darn thing’s turn! He meant to think darn!)

This new version was exactly the same in almost all regards. It was a horrible mass of wiggling vines without a visible body. All the vines ended in red-and-yellow flowers. It smelt awful, and felt totally cliché. On its first turn, its body spun around in place at a furious pace. There was only one thing unique about this creature: this horrible mass of vines did not miss. It hit Anders with its first attack. Ropey vines grabbed Anders’ right leg and arm and pulled him into the air with surprisingly little effort.

Now it was Anders’ turn, but before he could act, something sprang up in front of him.

Game Explanation Text Box: “You are in the Bound status. Your only available action is to Struggle. When you Struggle, you will make an opposed check based on your Constitution versus your opponent’s to escape bondage.”

Anders’ Text Box: “Constitution again? Are you kidding me? Come on! Wiggling should be Dexterity!”

Anders’ Struggle was unsurprisingly not effective. He did not win the opposed check, and now his turn was over.

The thing executed a move called Bind More, which caused vines to cover Anders’ entire right arm and the bottom half of his right leg. It used another one of those well-named moves, Bind More More, and Anders’ left arm also became trapped in its snare. Anders’ turn came again, but his only available action was still Struggle. The plant had a bonus to this check, as it was Binding More as well as Binding More More. Anders was aghast when he made the save, and now had his right arm free again. He was now only Bound More and Bound normally. He clung to this ray of hope, faint as it may be.

The plant thing was upset. It redid Bind More More and followed up with Bind More More More. Despite the obviousness of this move, Anders honestly didn’t see it coming. The vines now covered all his arms and legs completely and held them in a firm, writhing grip. A few vines were wrapped around his neck and torso. He feared what would come next; death by strangulation would be cruel, and the creature could do so without much effort. Instead of squeezing harder, one of the flowers gave Anders’ nipple a little flick. Anders used an Eyetwitch Animation.

Anders’ Text Box: “Oh, dear Maker! It is worse than I feared. This thing is a pervert as well! I need to get out of this horrible cliché!”

The elf gathered up all his might, with a mighty roar of effort, and struggled against the creature. His opposed Constitution check was failed so poorly that the vine rapist was rewarded with the ability to wrap a few more vines around the elf’s torso. Constitution was not in Anders’ good books right now.

The plant executed Bind Final which almost covered Anders completely with vines. Only his eyes and ass remained exposed. The next move was something called Bloom, but nothing happened right away.

Anders was now under the status effect Bound Most. He could no longer take actions and skipped his turn with a Heavy Sigh Animation.

The blooming began on the thing’s next turn. Each of the red-and-yellow flowers began to open, exposing hundreds of fully erect red-and-yellow flower cocks. It was easy for Anders to guess what would to happen next: He was going to be gang raped by a perverted flower’s hundreds of members. It was obvious and horrible. The plant lifted Anders up in the air and spread his legs open with great force. It lined up about five of the cocks and pointed them squarely at Anders’ exposed butt. The plant readied itself, and Anders braced for the impact. The creature fell completely apart into two equal halves and crashed to the ground, dead.

Anders used the Confused Blink Animation. He had to open the Combat Log and go over that last part again. It fell completely apart into two equal halves and died? There was not much time to think, however, as he quickly fell to the ground. Luckily he was not in two equal parts. He was still completely bound, which was not quite as lucky, but he was happy to be in one piece. He heard some avatars, but he wasn’t looking in the right direction to see who they were.

Fournimer’s Text Box: “well that was easy, a whole boss in just one hit!”

Palcath’s Text Box: “I think you got a Sneak Attack, Fourni lad. It was probably distracted?”

Fournimer’s Text Box: “yeah I think you are right Man. the damage numbers were a different colour than normal.”

Roodg’s Text Box: “hEY! a RED CHEST … hARD lEATHER lEGGINGS? nIGHT rANGER ONLY! cRAP!”

Anders’ Text Box: “Mffph mrrr! Bafpturf!”

Palcath’s Text Box: “Well, give them to Fourni, lad … err, lass? Uh … what do I … you know what? I’m just gunna call you lass. Fourni killed the thing in one hit anyway. They really should be his.”

Roodg’s Text Box: “yEAH i GUESS. hERE!”

Fournimer’s Text Box: “awesome guy … or gal … uh … guy right?”

Roodg’s Text Box: “wHY ARE U USING NICKNAMES? tHOSE ARE LAME. jUST USE MY NAME.”

Fournimer’s Text Box: “my thing is nicknames! they have always been my thing.”

Roodg’s Text Box: “oKAY. i WILL LET YOU CONTINUE TO USE THEM FOR NOW, BUT DON’T OVERDO IT OR i WILL TAKE THEM AWAY. LoL!”

Ignoring Roodg, Fournimer switched pants in a flash.

Fournimer’s Text Box: “oh, hey, these things are awesome! finally some good luck.”

Anders’ Text Box: “Mfouche.”

Fournimer was a Night Ranger. It sounded like he had one of the human starting voices, but Anders wasn’t completely sure. Palcath was a dwarf most certainly, and Anders could also tell he was overacting. Roodg sounded very loud, and was using either Male Start Voice #5 or Female Start Voice #7; Anders couldn’t tell.

Roodg’s Text Box: ‘LoL. tHOSE FLOWERS LOOK SORTA NAUGHTY!”

Palcath’s Text Box: “Of course they don’t, lass. Let’s go.”

Roodg’s Text Box: “fORWARD!”

Roodg stormed off, making a loud racket as either he or she ran back into the forest, leaving Anders to hear some private conversation between the likely human and definite dwarf.

Fournimer’s Text Box: “are you sure we need a full party, Man? well, I mean all the caps lock and strange comments so far….”

Palcath’s Text Box: “Despite the fact that you have no grounds to complain about capital letter usage, lad, Roodg is the only one who answered our Looking For Group in the WorldForums. We can always change for someone else later if the … lass … or lad doesn’t work out. We do need a healer more, but an attack magic class is also useful. I really would like to play with a healer type.”

As Anders heard their footsteps leaving the area, he tried to call out.

Anders’ Text Box: “Mrrrph!!”

It was to no avail. The adventuring team was gone as quickly as they came, and now Anders was stuck beside an opened Red Chest that had once contained exactly what he wanted in it: pants. Now his prize was draped over Fournimer’s butt! That jerk with a friend and an associate that were playing this game probably didn’t even look good in them.

Anders’ Text Box: “Mmrell, mf meastm he mavfed me ffmorm gettiffm ramed…”

While the vines were still causing him to be Bound Most, it was only a matter of winning three Struggles to get out of these vines; it shouldn’t be that hard.

---

Chapter 3 – Three, Two, and One

Anders awoke. He couldn’t move, and his limb controls failed him. He groggily attempted to adjust his camera angle and was startled when that was also locked. He tried to get his bearings, but all he could concentrate on was the pungent taste of decaying vegetable matter in his mouth. He gagged a little. The taste was revolting, and when he tried to turn his head to spit it out, even that was locked. He blinked. It was all starting to come back to him, the gentle Pink Slime, the temptress Red Chest, the revolting vine creature, and the pants-stealing adventurers. He remembered successfully biting through the vine that had been gagging him, and a brief instant that tasted worse that all the appliance-tasting food he had eaten combined. That must have been what made him pass out. He noted that not everything about the TorTech-Headset helping him share the experience was pleasant.

That was why he couldn’t move. He was still bound tightly in vines—the horrible, humiliating vines. The memory of the encounter was almost more than Anders could handle. He needed to suppress a tear from rolling down his face. It was nothing like his first encounter. The vine creature had felt so much more intrusive than the Pink Slime, who had been gentle and kind in comparison. Anders nearly needed to change Blush Shades when thinking of the Pink Slime, but his cheeks were bound tightly and no one could see them anyway.

He knew that he couldn’t move, but he also knew that he would still be able to move his eyes. No one was around. The marauding party was long gone, and they had taken the red treasure that he had almost been clichéd for with them. This thought made Anders slightly sicker than the taste in his mouth. He would not be able to spit out this thought or the bile, and he was forced to swallow. The self-pity and the leftover bile slicked down his throat; they were both gone. He decided that he was strong. He knew that he could survive this world, alone if he had to. It was time to buck up and get out of these vines.

It took only forty-seven tries and the biting of uncountable vines before Anders finally escaped his bondage. He was happily surprised when he noticed that, although the adventuring team had taken his pants, they had forgotten to pick up the boss drop. It was something called an Allure Petal. He grabbed it, and tried to balance it in his arms which also contained a full assortment of random stuff. He really wished that he had a bag or something to carry it all in. He left the cursed glade, being extra careful to avoid the abandoned Red Chest, just in case it decided to spawn another pervert.

Anders was determined now. He knew that there had been pants sighted in the area, and he wasn’t going to give up. Let Fourni have those Hard Leather Leggings. He could find his own—probably even some Extra-Hard ones!

Anders’ Text Box: “Well, at least I have collected enough random junk to buy some useful junk when I get back to Comeramondrallin or whatever.”

He considered trying for one more chest. Just one more and the elf would admit defeat and humbly walk into Chrumbkeller in the buff for all to see and Point Animation at.

Five hundred turns eased by uneventfully without a single chest, and Anders was getting very irritated. There had to be something he could do, and he finally remembered that there was a Game Tutorial he had never watched. Well, he “remembered” this by accidently clicking it while looking for something to eat to get the lingering taste of vine creature out of his mouth. While it wasn’t a very exciting video, he did learn something and instantly stopped it about a tenth of the way through. He could Kick! He had never even tried that button, but there it was—a Kick! It really wouldn’t do very much damage, but at least he could cause some harm to his attackers. He knew that he really should have finished watching the tutorial instead of stopping it so early, but now he was obviously good to go.

He walked up to the next Gray Wolf he saw and Kicked it square in the maw, doing an impressive 0 Damage to the White Wolf.

Wait, White Wolf?

The White Wolf used White Fang on him in retaliation and did a much more reasonable 318 damage. Anders ran screaming—that was almost his entire Health Bar.

Finally far away, hiding inside a poorly placed scenic tree and safe from the White Wolf (of death), Anders was curious. He checked the Insta-Wiki, which indicated that a White Wolf was a Level 27 monster. The elf used the Hard Swallow Animation. He was now in the Upper Forest of Althair, which was for mid-level characters.

Anders’ Text Box: “Level 27? Cookies!”

He had ventured into an area far beyond his means. Even if he weren’t naked except for his boots and broken bracers and had functioning weapons, this place was way too dangerous for him. He really thought that someone should have at least put up a warning sign or something. That wolf-thing had nearly ten times the Hit Points that he had. Streaking through the Lower Forest of Althair in a straight line for five hundred turns to search of chests with pants in them had not gone as well as he had planned. He’d stumbled into a much higher level area, and while it looked exactly the same in every way as before, he knew that he should probably head back before things turned ugly.

Anders heard a growl. He glanced up from his Insta-Wiki. A large, four-armed demon bear with horns was blocking the path. It was throwing other poorly placed scenic trees into oblivion. It was ugly, and it was turning. Well, that was ironic. Ugly things had literally just turned.

The bear glowed purple as it began to chant something. Without wasting a round, Anders ran. This was the one thing he had gotten pretty good at it. Hopefully the casting time would keep the bear busy. To Anders’ dismay, it didn’t take long for a demonic Flaming-Pitfire to erupt right behind him. Fortunately, the spell’s area didn’t cover enough move units to catch up to a naked elf Night Ranger (with proper footwear) as he ran scared. Just to be sure, he ran until his Stamina Bar was depleted. He knew he was even further from the Lower Forest of Althair now. Something in the distance caught his eye, and the elf used the Squint Animation.

It was a flash of light down the path ahead, in a small glade. A treasure chest lay in the open, glinting in the pre-dusk sun. The chest was golden; that had to be good. It was in a high level area, so that had to be even better! Anders walked toward it with high expectations and an underserved sense of accomplishment. Whatever was inside this chest was for someone who had reached Level 27 or so, and it was going to be all his.

He opened the chest in anticipation of something awesome, and was confused with what he saw. It was a silver urn with purple trim and blue jewels.

Anders’ Internal Text Box: “Well, whatever this is, it is probably valuable since it is jewel encrusted. Encrusted always means good.”

The elf reached inside to get it. A quick and important sounding flute song followed, and he was informed that he had found the quest item Combi-Fusion Pot. A quick search into the Insta-Wiki confirmed Anders’ suspicion. The first avatar to find a Golden Chest told him what was what.

“Gold chests are quest chests; they contain important quest or special items but never gear or consumables. They are infinitely useful, and it is advised that you collect every Golden Chest that you find. You never know when they will be important for a quest at a later ti— – Caëlahenãilenŵhei.”

That was a pretty long description to effectively say, “Get Golden Chests. They are good.” The long-winded avatar even ran out of room in the description area. All of that paled in comparison to that avatar name. It was harder to remember than that starting city, which also started with a “c.”

Anders’ Internal Text Box: “Wait, was Caelahenailenwhei the actual name of the starting city? No, that would be stupid. How could a city find a Golden Chest, open it, and type things into the Insta-Wiki? That is just someone with an unfortunate avatar name.”

Combi-Fusion Pot’s Text Box: “You can now fuse items together. This will allow you to use the magical science of alchemy to turn two different items into a much more valuable one!”

Well, at the very least, Anders could now perform Combi-Fusion. Even if it was somehow both scientific and magical, he decided to try it out. He was intrigued by the idea of reducing the amount of items he was carrying around without reducing the value. The Combi-Fusion menu was pretty slick: he could insert two items into it and a different one would pop out. The concept was pretty familiar to Anders for some reason, though he wasn’t sure exactly why.

Instantly Anders noticed a combi that would be useful. He threw in his Old Twine (which made sense) with a Gray Wolf Pelt (which didn’t) to make a Bowstring. His Elf Starting Bow was now repaired through magical science. It cost 50 Gold Pieces as well, which was really a small price to pay to regain his ranged attack weapon and increase his odds of survival.

Contest Announcement Text Box: “The Insta-Wiki Combi-Fusion contest has been started! May the best avatar win! The first milestone is 10 combis! The second milestone is 50 combis!”

That was exciting—the prospect of being the avatar with the write ups for Combi-Fusion, which was something that all avatars would probably see eventually. As Anders scrolled down, he was shocked. Some of these recipes cost thousands of Gold Pieces. He didn’t have enough money to try out any other combis. This Combi-Fusion Pot was a total Combi-Scam! So much for a special item just for him! Anders felt a bit let down, but his pity party was instantly interrupted.

Contest Announcement Text Box: “Congratulations! You are the first avatar to gain the Combi-Fusion page of the Insta-Wiki! You have won a special Combi-Fusion Pot! This Combi-Fusion Pot will not charge you any Gold Pieces to use it!’

The little silver pot became a little golden pot in his hands. With a Ka-Chink 50 Gold Pieces came out, a full refund!

Anders’ Text Box: “Flaming Pits, yeah!”

Now that this was free, he decided to put down all his junk and see if he could reach ten right then and there. He began to notice a pattern as the chart filled out automatically in the Combi-Fusion Recipe Book that popped into existence after he mixed his first one.

Combi-Fusion Recipe Chart:

	Something that made sense	Something that didn’t make sense	Result	Snarky Thought
1	Old Twine	Gray Wolf Pelt	Bowstring	Pelts are good for all sorts of things, of course.
2	Bottle	Red Flower	Health Potion	Flowers have magical healing powers.
3	Gruff Goat Cheese	Eggshell	Cheese Omelette	Eggshell was pretty close to egg. It almost made sense.
4	Timing Hammer	Strand of Dream	Repair-It	Probably a Strand of Dream about going to high school in only your Standard Issued Undergarments.
5	Lake Trout	Magnet	Squid Fruit	Nothing more can be said about this one.
6	Hard Leaf	Chewing Gum	Antidote	Hard Leaf Gum was the most popular brand around.
7	Thunderbolt	Crisp Breeze	Lightning Shard	It makes sense, but I have no idea how I’d been holding them both this long
7	Allure Petal	Perfume	Allure Potion	Wasn’t Perfume already an Allure Potion?
8	Glass Gem	Trowel	Initiate’s Ring	What part of the Trowel was even used?
9	Old Key	Freedom Rock	Stone Softener	Unlocking the rock did the trick.

Dang! He only made it to 9 combis! That was strange. He was certain he had made 10 things! The Combi-Fusion Pot must have glitched. The Allure Potion didn’t count toward the total, and Anders could not figure out why. The elf also could not figure out why this potion acted differently than the other potions. Health Potions glowed red and contained red liquid, Mana Potions blue, Stamina yellow, but this Allure Potion contained blue liquid, but it glowed a soft pink colour. No kind of potion that the elf knew about was even pink.

The only non-mixed thing he had left that could be used in a Combi-Fusion was a Square of Tanned Hide. He could combine a Square of Tanned Hide (which made sense) with a Triple Coat (which didn’t) and make an Ultra-Pack. The Ultra-Pack icon was just like his old Backpack’s icon, but in a different colour. He had a Tanned Hide, but he did not have a Triple Coat. He couldn’t make the blasted combi that he had wanted the most. He tossed all of his new items into his old Backpack and was annoyed when everything fell to the ground because he lacked an old Backpack. Anders used a Facepalm Animation and picked up his items while feeling foolish. He really wanted a new Backpack now, or clothing. Clothing would be better.

The Repair-It fixed Anders Leather Armlets. They returned to perfect condition with a single hammer smack. Anders was pleased when the Repair-It didn’t vanish. He could use it multiple times, but the elf wasn’t sure how many times it would work. He was able to properly equip the Leather Armlets again; that would help him feel less naked.

Now he could use his Elf Starting Bow again, and with his Leather Armlets repaired, he had gained back 1 Defence. It was a start, and his confidence swelled. It was getting late, and it was probably time to try and head back to the lower level areas. He would be on the lookout for more junk to mix so he could get the first contest spot.

The Sunset Animation was nearly over, and he stopped for a moment to watch; it was beautifully rendered. Once the sun finally dipped own, Anders turned around to go back the way he came. When he saw the two hidden Red Chests on short side paths near the entrance to the glade, Anders’ eyes nearly exploded. He picked up his Combi-Fusion Pot and assorted mixed junk and started toward the entrance.

The sun had set. A wolf howled in the distance; it was officially night.

Game Explanation Text Box: “Some creatures only come out at night.”

Anders’ Text Box: “Wait, what?”

Crash! A huge beast fell into the glade, blocking what Anders now realized was the only exit. Anders used the Gasp in Alarm Animation.

Anders’ Text Box: “Crumpets! Screw you, glades! That’s twice. You just made my list!”

Anders’ List:

1. Scenic Pillars
2. Glades

It was at least Level 30, and there was absolutely no way Anders could defeat this new monster (or survive a single hit from it, for that matter). Three vicious heads were attached to a single body. A lion, a dragon, and a goat stared intently at him. The monster spent its first turn flickering a bit, then sitting down and waiting. Anders guessed that this boss probably had three turns per round, and he was right—it waited once more. This was no ordinary boss; this was a Chimera, and its three heads gave it more moves than regular bosses.

Taking a shot from his newly fixed Elf Starting Bow, Anders did an impressive 0 damage. He muttered, “Crumpets,” under his breath. The Chimera waited three more times. Anders could see the smugness in its demeanor. It would be impossible for Anders to hurt the Chimera, and as he looked at it, it gave him a shrewd grin.

Anders didn’t consider any other options; he quickly formulated a plan. He put all his items safely on the ground in case they decided to defy logic again and break. The elf turned to face the beast. It was his turn, and he began to run directly at it. The Chimera sat there, blocking the exit as Anders suspected it would. Just as Anders got within range, he Dodge Rolled right under the beast’s claws, ending the roll deftly under the beast’s chest.

Anders had decided that his only hope for survival was to expect that this boss was a pervert, just like the others he had already met. Attacking head on would do no damage; both he and the Chimera knew this. What other choice did the elf have? His suspicions were correct; three large cocks were hanging hard from the beast’s crotch—one of a lion, one of a dragon, and one of a goat. Six heavy testicles hung behind them in a row. Anders ended his turn by frantically grabbing the outer two cocks with his hands, and impulsively sticking the middle lion dick into his mouth.

It was the Chimera’s turn now, and Anders hoped that his act of good faith would prevent the vicious heads from attacking. He was pleasantly surprised when the Chimera skipped all three of its turns. It was withholding them, likely to see what Anders was up to. Anders decided it was best to not disappoint. The elf began to work the three cocks as best as he could, pumping one in each hand and getting as much of the middle one in his mouth as possible. Each was large, but not unusual for a beast of that size. So, while it made Anders gag a bit, he could manage.

The Chimera skipped its turns again, and Anders showed his appreciation by moving his mouth to a different cock. The dragon cock was covered in small red scales and was hot to the touch. Anders did his best to not burn himself as he went down on the hot member. On his following turn, Anders worked the goat. It was the smallest of the three, and he could almost take the whole thing.

Turn-switching by Anders and turn-skipping by the Chimera went on for several rounds, with the beast slowly becoming more aggressive as the encounter continued. It stood up and was pushing its cocks so far into Anders’ mouth that he gagged. Anders pushed them away to try to catch his breath. The cocks had begun to twitch, and the balls were tightening; Anders knew that they were close to bursting.

The Chimera did not skip the next round. It spent each of its three turns attempting to get a different penis into Anders’ face. The heads were fighting with each other as to which cock would get sucked next turn. This time, Anders skipped his turn to see what would happen. The beast spent its next few turns attacking itself. The resulting winner of the fight was rewarded by presenting his cock in front of Anders. Anders decided to spur the beast on further by using his turn to suck whatever was in front of him, neglecting to even touch the other cocks. Rounds went by, and the beast continued to combat itself, becoming more and more sexually charged.

It was the goat that won. On his turn, Anders had barely even put his mouth on the goat cock when the goat’s nuts tightened up and released into his waiting mouth. Anders did his best to avoid it, but he had been taken by surprise and most of the goat spunk ended up on his chest and face, spraying him everywhere. The next round’s victor was the lion. Anders had thought he was far more prepared this time, but even though he was expecting it, the lion’s cock jerked out of his hand at the last moment. Anders was now covered in Chimera cum, and there was still one that hadn’t gone off yet.

Chimera’s Lion’s Head’s Text Box: “Wow. That was a great win Clyde old buddy. Enjoy yourself!”

This monster definitely wasn’t just a brainless beast if it could talk; it was programmed with sentience. That made Anders feel even better about the game and himself. Even if this was a beast, it wasn’t a mindless beast.

After that congratulations from the lion head, only the dragon head did not exude loud snorning noises, and it was in complete control of the entire beast. Anders got into position near the dragon dick, but the dragon clearly had other ideas. No longer fighting for pleasure, the dragon could take its time. The dragon head dipped down and wrapped its jaws gently around Anders’ waist. It took Anders to the side of the glade and was getting ready to take this to a new level.

Anders felt a flicker of panic as he realized that this might not end pleasantly. This creature could flip him over and try to stick that far-too-large burning hot member into his backside. He thought that there wasn’t much he could do about stopping it, but instantly he realized how foolish he had been. He had the ultimate power to stop anything truly bad from happening to him at any time. All he had needed to do all along was just logout of the game to stop his encounters. It was almost as though, by simply not logging off and experiencing the erotic events as they happened, he had given his consent. Anders used the Smile Animation. Things didn’t seem so bad anymore. No matter what this Chimera or any other monster did, Anders had the real power here. The elf decided to see what the beast was planning to do next … and maybe he would just go along with it. Anders changed to Blush Shade #1 when a little voice inside his head also commented that this encounter had been pretty hot so far, and he decided to see it through. Besides, how scary could a dragon named Clyde possibly be?

The Chimera reared up and placed its front paws on the cliff side. The large dragon cock was right at Anders’ eye level, and wouldn’t be forced inside anywhere. Anders could be persuaded to be okay with that and opened his mouth to welcome Clyde inside. The elf began to move his hands down the shaft. The dragon let out a roar, bent down its flexible neck, and used the Wink Animation. Clyde had other plans.

Clyde started to move its hips slowly, face-fucking Anders. The pace slowly increased over the rounds, and Anders just stood there. He spent his turns doing what he could with his tongue to make this encounter more pleasant. The dragon had originally begun to pick up the pace slowly, but soon it was thrusting hard and fast at Anders’ face.

Anders was slightly gagging on the dragon dick, and it was getting uncomfortably hot. He couldn’t keep this up much longer. On his next turn, he reached forward, grabbed Cylde’s heavy balls, and squeezed them hard. The dragon head let out a mighty roar and pushed forward. Wave after wave of dangerously hot cum rushed into Anders’ mouth, and he was forced to swallow it to prevent himself from choking. It was almost too hot, and it nearly filled Anders’ stomach completely (though much dribbled out the sides of his mouth).

Clyde’s Text Box: “Thanks buddy, I needed that!”

The beast moved off the wall and curled into a tight ball. Clyde fell asleep almost instantly. The cum covering Anders hardened, and came off intact in one big, thick skin. Anders was both excited and disgusted to find out that it was a Triple Coat. It really should have been a Double Coat, as one of the coats was inside him, but Anders didn’t file a formal complaint with an Administrator.

The sound of three trumpet songs let Anders know that he had become Level 8 from Level 5. One level a cock was pretty good, Anders decided. He gained a few abilities that involved using melee attacks, which didn’t matter right now, seeing as he didn’t have a melee weapon.

Anders was asked to fill out the Insta-Wiki. It made sense; no one should have been able to take that beast out yet. It was far too strong without getting lucky—or rather letting it “get lucky.”

Creature Name: Chimera

Class: Beast

Level: 30

Special Attacks: Tri-Attack, Tri-Claw, Fire Shot, Goat Ram, Lion Maul

Drops: Triple Coat

First Player Encounter Notes: “This monster can be made into a pervert. – Anders”

He promptly opened the Combi-Fusion menu and made an Ultra-Pack. From what he could see, it was just a different coloured Backpack. He placed his belongings inside and strapped it on tightly. It was sort of like a jacket.

The Insta-Wiki chimed, and he was allowed to write the first entry for Combi-Fusion.

“For Combi-Fusion, simply take two items—one that makes perfect sense and another that doesn’t—then mix them to make something new. – Anders”

Anders turned to what was really important, the Red Chests. Inside the first was a Mithral Vest (s), and the other was a Mithral Leggings (s).

He watched his new items until the Item Description Menu Boxes appeared to explain their statistics. They were identical in everything except for the name.

Mithral Vest (s) / Mithral Leggings (s)

Anders’ Text Box: “The (s) must stand for special, what luck!”

Rating: Epic

Anders’ Text Box: “Awesome!”

Level: 34

Anders’ Text Box: “Totally awesome!”

Defence: 144 (+144 more than current equipped)

Anders’ Text Box: “Wow, crumpets! My entire outfit before was only 7 Defence!”

Class Restriction: Night Ranger only

Anders’ Text Box: “Oh my Maker!”

Special Qualities: Immune to being destroyed.

Anders’ Text Box: “Sweet!”

Level Restriction: Level 20+

Anders’ Text Box: “Flaming Pit…”

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