How to Survive A Time Travel Paradox: A How to Guide with 7 tips!

Look, the future is fast approaching. Some may even say the future is coming as soon as tomorrow! The time to be prepared for the future is in the past! Some may even say that the past was yesterday!

A time paradox is coming, that much is speculated. Will you be the chosen one that falls into the swirly time portal? What do you do today in the present to prepare? You prepare for the future, by preparing for the past!

Here are a few simple rules when dealing with Time Travel Paradoxes:

  1. Self Contact: Look, I know it is tempting to find yourself and tell yourself something… and that is exactly what you should do! Time Travel Paradoxes are rare, you might as well come out on top. Lottery numbers, medical advice, new kinds of hats – anything is game!
  2. Self Contact 2: Speaking about being on top… if you are your thing, then have at ‘er! Bang yourself yesterday and see if you remember it today!
  3. Otherly Contact: Avoid having sex with people that are your distant blood relatives. Unless you already had sex with them in the past. Then have sex with them, or you will cease to exist. Look for the yellow warning lights.
  4. Take pictures: Old pictures are valuable. Paintings as well. If it is on the wall take it.
  5. Remember what you lost: Remember that important thing you lost five years ago? Go and take it. Then you will have it now! (Bonus: Now you know who to blame!)
  6. Remember what you will lose: What would you steal if you found yourself in the future? Find that thing and nail it down!
  7. Bonus Tip: Avoid Dairy Products. Time Travel Paradoxes cannot handle dairy. It will not end well, or at all, or ever.

Good luck out there! Hope this helps.

(Yes, yes I am crazy)

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